Unexplained absences, a failure to return phone calls, showing up late, and explanations for behavior that don’t ring true are a just a few indications that things have gone amiss – and when something is amiss with a recovering addict or alcoholic, unfortunately there is very good reason to assume the worst.
They show up as anxiety, depression, substance abuse, stress, anger, and relationship problems.
And each relationship eventually ends badly because of these repetitive dynamics.
After a while, such destructive patterns--objectively obvious to others--start to become apparent even to the patient.
And the therapeutic question becomes: Why would anyone persist in pursuing relationships that are doomed to failure? There are no simplistic or singular explanations for such destructive, self-defeating behavior.
One part of the puzzle has to do with fear of intimacy and of the opposite sex.